Helping a loved one through the holidays during times of grief and loss
“Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today” - Thich Naht Hanh
This month, we sought inspiration from Debbie Dallesandro, a valued community partner at Spiritual Care Support Ministries. Debbie, an expert in her field, had recently led a poignant class on "Surviving the Holidays after a Loss," offering guidance and support to those navigating difficult emotions during the holiday season.
Below are some valuable suggestions shared by the group, which resonated with and brought comfort to the other members.
Often people who have lost loved ones have no place to go during the holiday season. One of our members set up a time that they all could get together to go out and eat and fellowship during the holiday season.
Create new memories. “I know when my immediate family passed, those old holiday traditions went away. I decided to keep their memory alive by bringing back some of those traditions with our grandkids and then creating new ones.”
One lady who lost her husband said that she puts money away each year for her husband’s present but now puts it in a Christmas card on the tree. As they are opening gifts, they open the card with the donation to her husband’s favorite charity.
Encourage the person not to isolate but to attend church and family/friend functions. Even if they go for a few minutes, people do understand.
Call the person who is grieving and offer to pick them up and go out for coffee, lunch, or maybe a holiday event together. The person grieving does not want to go alone.
Stay in contact and follow up on how they are doing. Even if you just go for a visit and talk, they just want to be heard and to feel comfortable with someone who understands.
Recommend a grief group. We have realized that these groups are very healing, and they feel comfortable sharing their grief.
Plan a remembrance night: Include other friends who have lost loved ones. Provide ornaments or have people bring one to hang on the tree in remembrance of their loved ones. Invite people to share special Christmas memories.
Help them start a memory journal. Fill the journal with special memories of times with your loved one. Maybe even memories shared by other family members. The journal will bring you joy, laughter, and bittersweet tears in the years to come.
Help them prepare for social events. Go with them to the event and run interference for them and interact with people. Communicate with the event host that you will be there and that you may only stay for a short time. Prepare for those that they have not seen in a while, they may not know of the death and could ask about your loved one. Script out how you will respond.
Encourage them to reach out to others. Grief is taxing on you mentally, emotionally, and physically. Reaching out to others helps them heal.
Encourage them to take care of themselves. Make sure they are eating properly and seeing their doctor regularly.
Encourage them to volunteer when they are ready. Helping others gives purpose. Many people in grief do not know what their purpose is anymore. Help them find an organization that could help them feel that purpose again.
Encourage them to be thankful to God for the time they had with that person. For all the beautiful memories along the way and that they are never alone as Christ will always be with them.
